5 Reasons Why No One Cares What You Look Like
These post-pandemic days as I wander around my neighborhood makeup-free in my leggings and t-shirt, I have never felt better about myself.
We’ve all been needing some extra ‘pick-me-ups’ during this last challenging year.
Ding-dong! That doorbell ring announcing the delivery of a new skincare product or an Asos delivery is one of my dopamine hits of choice.
However, the last few years have taught me that what I look like doesn’t matter as much as l previously thought.
Maybe it’s the influence of the pandemic and ‘tracksuit bottom’ syndrome, but many women in my community right now are sacking off worrying about a perfect outfit to cultivate inner beauty.
There seems to be a collective sigh of relief recently, that, maybe finally, the world is waking up and realizing what we look like is not the full story when it comes to beauty.
Here are 5 reasons no one cares what you look like:
1. Everyone is too worried thinking about their appearance to care about yours
When I was growing up as a teenager I spent ages agonizing over outfits, which ’02’ body spray to use, and worrying about whether my hair mascara would run at the school disco (gotta love the 90’s!).
Overweight, having not yet gotten my hands on contact lenses, and with my mixed race curly hair, I believed my differences disqualified me from any kind of level of acceptable beauty.
Let’s not forget (or maybe we should indeed forget) the preferred fashion trends of those years included size 0, linear and thin body frames, and low-rise jeans.
There’s nothing wrong with any of these things in themselves, but having them aggressively shoved in my 13-year-old-face by J17 magazine certainly didn’t do MY self-esteem any favors…
My mum used to take me aside after an hour of getting ready and tell me:
‘Stop it now. No one is going to even notice what you look like because they’re all going to be so caught up worrying what THEY look like.’
Ah, nothing like motherly wisdom to accurately summarise teenage years and the pressure of adolescence- and bring me back down to earth with a bump.
I still remember this truth today. Maybe we are all so self-obsessed and insecure that we don’t even notice what others look like, outside of reference to how it makes us feel.
I recently went to my friend’s birthday (open-air and socially-distanced) drinks. I chose an outfit that I liked and felt good in.
Then I remembered my mum’s words and stepped away from the mirror and went and had a good time.
It’s amazing to notice how much more fun I have when I relax and stop thinking about my appearance. This hasn’t happened overnight; I’ve had to build it up as a conscious habit.
2. Only 0.00000001% of you exists anyway
That is to say, we are 99.999999999% energy, and only 0.000000001% matter. Everything is made up of atoms, electrons, and neutrons. So my arm is more “nothing than something.” You are more spirit or energy than you are a body. Mind blown much?!
Think of a speck of dust- that’s a million billion atoms! After Schrodinger discovered the quantum atom, the ‘Double Slit Experiment’ was first performed using light by Thomas Young in 1803.
It was discovered that the bearer of the particles of light (neurons) when in a wave state, behaved differently if they were being watched. This is known as the observer affect.
Creepy! Doctor Quantum explains it far better here.
What the heck does this mean?
It means we may not like our belly rolls or our laughter lines but… that’s less than 0.0001% of who we are!!
What if we lived in our full potential to co-create with our minds a better world or a better version of us every day? What would our lives look like if we took our focus off of the 0.000000001% and onto the 99.999999999%?
Let’s focus our energy on our, erm energy!
3. Beauty IS in the eye of the beholder
Did you ever have an obsessive crush at school who was like, not fit at ALL?
I liked this boy for about 6 months in year 8 and never told ANYONE because no one else thought he was good-looking. Beauty and attractiveness mean different things to different people.
Researchers for the Current Biology Journal (see here) showed that what we all find attractive is partly due to genetics but is mostly based on our personal and individual preferences.
The study above investigated identical and non-identical twins to see how thier personal preferences differed. They discovered that lived experiences had a big part to play in shaping individual preferences.
The things that we live out that are unique to just us are the things that subconsciously will affect our perception of beauty or attractiveness. It might be the faces you noticed as a child on TV adverts or your favorite movie, or the face you saw daily on the bus.
These interactions shape our brain’s preferences. And yours will be completely different from your friends — which is why people can debate whether the BBC’s Mr. Darcy or the movie’s Mr. Darcy they find more attractive.
So why spend hours and shed-loads of money trying to look a certain way when people around you are programmed to see you in different ways that you can’t control anyway?
There IS no real one standard of beauty- that’s the lie that we are sold every damn day from a very young age- which brings us onto number 4….
4. Remember those many beauty images we see daily AREN’T REAL
In my past career, I was a youth worker and worked with teenage girls in high schools at risk of harmful behaviors. We did a lot of work with these young women about aspirations and body image.
One activity had them walking around the room looking at professional images of celebrities they knew.
They had to match before and after photoshopped pictures of the women they admired so much. They were completely shocked when we revealed the manipulated images of the celebrities.
This is a good reminder that those abs on Insta could be highlighted, that neck might have been lengthened on an app, and that face subtly and cleverly tweaked to look symmetrical.
I’m sure we all remember this ad by Dove here which shows the tricks of the industry well. 14 years ago when this campaign was released it made a big impression.
No matter how old we are, or how we use social media, let’s fight the temptation of the filters and keep it real with our images- let’s help the younger generation understand that true beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.
5. It REALLY is whats inside that counts
From the day we are born we begin to die. Aging begins at birth. No amount of product, surgery or even healthy lifestyle choices can stop it.
Think of some of the beautiful older souls you know. Do you only focus on what’s outside?
Of course not. What makes them beautiful is their energy and the lives that they have lived.
I don’t want to spend all the energy and time that I have left on this planet worrying about what I look like, and miss out on ME.
As much as I love to keep a good skincare routine, I want to prioritize looking after my heart. My soul. The real me.
How can I be a beautiful person on the inside?
I want to be someone who makes others feel good when I spend time with them.
Someone who cares for those with needs in their community.
Someone loyal to their friends.
Someone who doesn’t join in the bitching at the office
Someone who makes it okay for people to be different.
That’s what I want.
And it got me thinking, how the world would look if we all started to do that a little more and just focused on how our bodies looked a little less.
The beauty industry might take a financial hit, and well, we might all be a bit (a lot?) happier and healthier.
What we look like is just not that important.
From imagined others’ perceptions of our appearance to falling prey to multi-billion dollar beauty campaigns (they really ARE just after our money), people don’t care what we look like as much as we think.
There are many more important things for us to be focussing on.
Let’s make this our truth and share it with the world. Maybe we could:
- Take a break from filters on our selfies.
- Instead of this month’s eye cream purchase, donate to a charity that is making a difference in the world such as Compassion International.
- Think about what you give most of your time to? (Look at your bank statements if you’re unsure it will quickly show you where your focuses lie).
- What are you reading? Shake up your social media feed or reading list with important subjects that are not focused on physical beauty.
Thanks so much for reading.
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